15 #4 Princess obsessions

To say you are obsessed with princesses would be an understatement!  Every day without fail you ask to wear a "Glittery dress".  You plead to wear a glittery dress and then you stamp your feet and whine/scream if I say no.  You see, you can't wear a glittery dress (a dress up costume) everywhere we go, it's not always practical. But you ask every day anyway.  Usually our compromise is that you get to put your glittery dress on when we get home.

You absolutely love your Elsa dress. That's the one you usually choose.  You are starting to know the movie script by heart and you swish around the house reciting Elsa's lines and singing the songs.  A close second is your ballerina tutu/Angelina Ballerina outfit which you wear with your "proper ballet shoes" and you twirl and leap, and plié and jete, around the house with a huge smile.

For your birthday you got a collection of Disney Princess figures and a couple of princess dolls.  These are the first dolls you have had and you love them. Sparkle Fairy is your favourite, followed by Aerial.  These two have shoes and crowns and wands, which I am terrified are going to be lost as they are so small, and you love them so much.  The disney dolls can all swap dresses and have become a firm favourite too.  You are always asking us to build Lego castles for the princesses to live in.

I think it's safe to say you are going to be a real girly girl!

15 #3: Caterpillars, Chrysalis and Butterflies

Grandad gave you two Swan Plants for Christmas this year.  Swan plants are the plant that Monarch butterflies lay their eggs on and as Monarchs are in decline in NZ people are encouraged to have the plants in their gardens.  We planted them in a sunny spot in the front garden, you helped, and we explained what would happen. And then we waited, and waited.

It was quite a slow start to be honest but after a while we started to see little white dots on the leaves - eggs.  Then the eggs became tiny little caterpillars which grew very quickly into big fat caterpillars. (Something I didn't k is before - caterpillars poo a lot!).  After a while these fat caterpillars hung themselves upside down in a J shape and went into a suspended animation before becoming a Chrysalis.  We were never lucky enough to see this transformation though.

After a few weeks the butterflies emerged. Everyday you would run outside to check on them and see if anything was happening.  At the height we had 18 chrysalises.  We managed to catch 2 butterflies emerging which for me was amazing.  You were more amazed once the butterfly was out and drying it's wings.  You would stay a safe distance back so you didn't frighten them and you chatted to them, asking if they were ok.   I was a little worried you would be upset once they flew away but you weren't at all. You were happy they were flying off "to find their friends" as you put it.

Having these plants has been a wonderful experience for us all. I can't wait until next spring!

15 #5 Letting go (just a little)

I feel today we (I) have reached a turning point.

People keep asking me if you go to kindy yet. I feel like I've been pressured and judged since you turned 2 because you don't go to kindy yet.  It seems to be expected that you should put your child into someone else's care as soon as possible to ... free yourself from the burden ... enable you to go back to work ... I'm not exactly sure what people expect but it's been quite clear I haven't been following expectations.

In reality you haven't been ready to go to kindy.  If I had tried to leave you at a kindy you wouldn't have cried for a while then gotten over it and enjoyed yourself.  You would have cried like you'd been abandoned, and cried and cried until I returned.  You would have felt abandoned and you wouldn't have gotten over it. You would never have let me take you back.  A mother knows this.  Only a mother.

Another reason is that I haven't been ready.  I haven't been ready to let you go.  I wanted to keep you all to myself. You're my little person.  My life. My reason for living.  I couldn't hand you over to someone else when we both weren't ready for it.

But now I think We are.

I've had a feeling for a few weeks that you need more now.  More than I can give you 7 days a week. You need outside influences, you need to interact with boys and girls your own age, without me hovering in the background.  You've grown up so much over the last few months and I think you need a little push to fulfil your potential. And this means I'm now ready to let you go, just a little.

It doesn't mean I won't cry a flood of tears though when the day comes.

Tomorrow we are going to visit a kindy. Let's see what happens ...

Addendum:

We visited kindy, you liked it, we signed up. Today was your first settling in session, we went for 2 hours. As soon as we arrived you ran off and didn't look back.  I hid in the kitchen and watched what was happening and you didn't ask for me once.  You did painting, jumped on the trampoline, climbed the climbing frame, played with dolls.  You sat in a circle with the other children at mat time, you stood up when asked if you have any news and said "I have princess news! I like Sparkle and Aerial!".  You listened to the story, then asked the teacher to read it again!  At morning tea you didn't eat anything but that was to be expected.  And when it was time to go you cried and hung on to the gate pleading "Please let me stay!".

So we go back on Friday and I will leave you for a while and see how that goes.  I am so proud of you, but a little sad too!

Addendum #2:

I left you for 2 hours at our next visit, you were fine, no tears, no worries. You had a wonderful time playing dress ups with a little girl called Norah.  You cried when I said I had to take you home!

Today (17/6/15) is your first full day.  You were so excited to get there and spend all day there, and you were very sweet saying before we left that you are worried about me being at home all day by myself.  When we arrived you gave me a kiss and a cuddle, said "Bye, bye Mummy", then you were off to dress up in a Princess dress and play dolls with Norah.

I feel a little sad, but mostly I feel very, very proud of the person you are growing up into, and happy that you are happy to be there.