Monday, 2 June 2014

#15 The grass is always greener ... Isn't it?

There's this feeling we all get at times that the grass is always greener and I sometimes find myself longing for some ME time. I'd like to laze in bed in the morning. I'd like to read the news, Facebook and catch up on the blogs I follow in one session, without interruption, or little fingers trying to swipe the iPad screen to "Find the clock!". I'd love to have a leisurely shower, or even a long hot bath. I'd love to dry my hair without feeling guilty that the noise terrifies you and knowing that you are cowering in the living room pretending to watch tv, but really you are just listening to the noise.
I rarely get any Me time, but this is fine, honestly. I love being with you, going to activities, having adventures and reading books. But sometimes a bit of Me time is necessary. However it's always a double edged sword. 
I look forward to being able to go out to the shops by myself, then find myself checking to see where you are or reaching for a hand that's not there.
I look forward to being at home by myself when Daddy or Nana take you out for a while, but find myself starting to tell you something only to realise you aren't there. And wandering around the house, aimlessly, wondering what to do until you get home.
You make a mess, you steal my food, you always "want an up" when I'm trying to cook dinner and don't have any spare hands. But when you look up at me with your beautiful blue eyes, smile your infecticious smile and slip your little hand into mine and it fits so perfectly, I never want to be without you. I feel lost if my Little Duckling isn't by my side!

#14 Teething, snotty noses and being Two!

Being your Mummy is the best thing I have ever done and it's also the absolute hardest thing I have ever done.
Sometimes events conspire and things become really hard, for both of us. At the moment you are teething, you have your last 4 molars coming through, and it is really painful for you. It's making you chew everything in sight, dribble uncontrollably, and your temper is extremely short. You also have a cold. A horrible snotty nose, you feel like rubbish and your temper is extremely short. And you are Two. You are leaving babyhood far behind. You are realising your sense of self. You want to do more yourself. And your temper is extremely short!
You don't know whether you want to sit down, stand up, be picked up, be left alone, have a cuddle or play with your toys. Or maybe you just want to do all of these things all at once, and you can't. Which makes your temper extremely short.
Now I'm not known for having much patience myself, so at times we just rub each other the wrong way. I try so hard to keep my temper because I know you are only shouting/screaming/whinging/whining because you are in pain, you feel awful, your nose is running and you can't do what you want to do because you are only Two. I don't always succeed. Which usually ends with both of us getting annoyed and upset, and then I feel incredibly guilty because it's not your fault, it's mine.
I hope as you get older you can see that I really am truly trying my hardest and doing the best I can to be your Mummy. To give you what you need and make you happy. I don't get it right all the time and I'm sure that's not going to change however big you get. But being your Mummy is the best thing I have ever done, the best experience of my life. I hope I can be the best Mummy for you.

#13 Sharing breakfast

Did I say sharing? I meant pinching!
Every morning I ask you what you would like for breakfast and every morning you answer porridge. You love porridge! However, over the last few months if I sit down with you to eat my breakfast as you have your porridge you more often than not demand I get out of my chair, you climb onto said chair, and say "mmmmmm Mummy's breakfast" and proceed to eat the lot! I get left with your porridge! Now I like porridge, but I also like Corn Flakes and Bran Flakes and other cereals too. You won't eat these cereals if put in your bowl, but if it's in my bowl it's fair game! You're a cheeky monkey!