Thursday, 19 November 2015

15 #7 "I need you"

"I need you" is what you have started to say to me several times a day.  At times when you are tired, sad, bored, unsure and you want me to sit with you and spend some time with you.  Not necessarily playing, just sitting next to you as you watch tv or sit on your bed with Bertie.

You often ask me to sit with you whilst you watch tv, I usually say no because I use your tv time to start dinner preparations or wash up or get any other jobs done.

You often ask "Play with me" when I have spent too much time leaving you by yourself to play so that I can get the washing done etc.

"I need you" is such a heart wrenching request. It's harder to wriggle away from than "play with me" and yet I still do and I feel incredibly guilty about that. My response tends to be "Only for a minute" or "I just need to" or " I have to get this done".  But in reality how important are all those things I have to do? Important to get them done during the day so that I get to have some relaxation time to myself in the evening. Which is important to an extent, but not vital every day.  The reality is you will only need me for such a short amount of time. Soon you won't want me to watch tv with you, sit next to you, or even be in the same room as you. You'll discover that closing the door on your bedroom gives you the privacy you crave and I will only be grudgingly allowed admittance.  Soon it will be me thinking "I need you" and craving time with you and you'll be telling me that you have better things to do with your time than hanging out with Mum.

I have to stop, and I will stop giving excuses and cradle you close when you need me, spend those extra few minutes in the afternoon or at bedtime and stop rushing to do jobs that I really don't want to do anyway.

I need you too, more than you will ever be able to comprehend. (Until you have your own baby I guess).

"-So, quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. / I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."

So I am resolving to treasure every single moment that my sweet baby girl keeps ... An easy resolution to follow when you are snuggling close into me. A harder one to follow when there's a list of jobs to do and you are in a grump. But I'll try my best.

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